Why New Year’s Resolutions Should Be One of the Deadly Sins
Photo by Tarryn Myburgh on Unsplash
I've always been a calendar person - motivated and inspired by dates.
For example, I always told myself that I would quit smoking before I reached the age of 40. True to my word, 3 weeks before my 40th birthday, I thought, "Time is running out, I'd better stop smoking," and I did.
I'd made up my mind, and even the strain of being made redundant and losing my job a few days later, didn't drive me back to cigarettes.
Whenever I reach a milestone birthday, or it's the start of a new decade, or year, or even month, I often set expectations for what I want to achieve in that period of time. However, I now see that my experience with not smoking was the exception rather than the norm.
The truth is that, in most cases, this practice of making resolutions only causes me stress and makes me depressed.
As every New Year rolls around, I have great expectations for the coming year. This year was no different. I posted the following quote on my Facebook timeline:
“The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.”
It's true ... the new year starts with a blank slate and we can write our own story - any story at all.
This year in particular, I am filled with hope for what the year will bring; I have high expectations and I've made a few resolutions.
I can't speak for everyone. If you're the type of person who sticks to, and benefits from, your resolutions then more power to you.
However, of you're like me and millions of others who make these resolutions, fail to keep them and then beat yourself up for being a failure, it may be time to take stock and review the practice. I haven't even broken any of my day old resolutions, but already the pressure hanging over me is overwhelming.
A study done by Richard Wiseman from the University of Bristol in 2007 showed that 88% of those who set New Year’s resolutions fail.
And data collected in 2019 by the social media fitness app, Strava, suggests that most people give up their goals on January 19th. This is an improvement over 2012 when Quitter's Day fell on January 12th, less than 2 weeks into the New Year.
Here are just a few reasons why most resolutions fail:
They are too general
Some of the most common resolutions are to lose weight, exercise more, eat more healthily, and save money.
These goals are just too general. We've all heard of the importance of setting S.M.A.R.T. objectives - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Oriented - which these resolutions are most definitely not. By having such general objectives, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
They are too big
I am a big believer in "think big, not small" and "there is nothing you can't achieve," but you need to be realistic. Take the goal of exercising more, for example. You might take out a gym membership and resolve to go to the gym every day, 5 days per week. Why not resolve to undertake bitesize actions? Even exercising for 10 minutes a day is better than not exercising at all and it’s something that you’re more likely to achieve.
There are too many
How many resolutions have you set for yourself? I know that I have at least 4 or 5. What if you were to focus on just one thing at a time? Put all your effort into making just one change in your life. When you've successfully done that, move on to the next thing.
The time may not be right
January 1st is a random date on a calendar and the calendar is a man-made construct. There is no reason that this is the day on which anything should change. Is the timing right for you? If you want to change your behaviour or adopt a new habit, it helps to have some drive and passion behind it. January 1st may simply not be the time when you’re most committed to making that change in your life.
They are made with the conscious mind
When we resolve to do something, that thought is created by our consicous mind. Unfortunately, our conscious mind is only 10% of our mind. Our behaviours are primarily driven by our unconscious, which makes up 90% of our mind. Our unconscious mind may sabotage the best intentions of our conscious mind if we don't address the issues at this level as well.
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What I know, but consistently forget every year, is that resolutions are just made up expectations of how we think things should be. They are the "shoulds" that we have made up for ourselves. I should lose weight, I should exercise more, I should...…, I should……
As children, what did we do when we were told that we SHOULD do something? Most of us rebelled and did exactly the opposite, as no one likes to be told what they should do.
So we make up these "shoulds," get stressed about the burden we put on ourselves to comply and then beat ourselves up when we fail to reach our goals.
What if, instead, your intention was to accept yourself every day - just as you are - unconditionally - without the need to make any changes?
What if, instead, your intention was to be grateful every day for what you have?
What if, instead, your intention was to enjoy every day and do more of what you love? Ask yourself every day - what would I like to do today? What would give me joy?
If you choose to accept yourself, be grateful and enjoy life more, you are creating the optimal state of mind to reach your full potential. Then, no matter what you might resolve, at a time that is right for you, you will be more likely to achieve your goals.
Life is simple, until we make it more complicated!